Learning to Love IIISue Afutu
An Interview with Mrs. Margaret Sackey –a marriage counsellor (continued from last week)
Her take on love in marriages?
In the first few years of marriage, especially for those who marry in their twenties and thirties, the focus is on physical intimacy, attraction etc. However as you grow older, the focus shifts from just the two of you and satisfying your needs to meeting the needs of children and that of extended family members. As a couple, as the years wear on, your energy levels also decrease. As such with the years, love in marriage shifts from mere physical love to commitment.
She however added that a wife’s interest in sex may decrease while that of her husband may take a longer time to diminish. When that happens the couple must dialogue and decide on what is workable.
How do temperaments affect our marriages?
Temperaments are like spectacles, we see life through them. Cholerics and sanguines are extroverts while melancholics and phlegmatics are introverts. The sanguine yearns for attention, affection, acceptance and approval. The choleric wants to be acknowledged, wants to lead and wants to be respected. The melancholic yearns for sensitivity, silence and space. The phlegmatic desires quiet and peace, tolerance, self-worth and respect.
On dealing with a man’s ego
She advises wives to try not to enter into arguments with their husbands. When your husband is acting difficult because of his ego, pray to God about the situation and hand him over to God. Also ask God how you are contributing to the problem. Women must be submissive towards their husbands. If you try to control him etc. he would become defensive. Arguing with your husband feeds his ego and brings out the worse in him. Poker evil with good.
On dealing with a man who feels like a failure …
When your husband feels like he has failed, encourage him and pray with him. She reiterates the words of Stormie Omartian that as Christians, our self-worth comes from our relationship with God. Greatness is obeying God and letting him live His greatness through us.
Today, Meg’s children are adults. They are successful in their careers and they have homes of their own. She’s grateful to God that He gave her the grace to weather the stormy period of her marriage.