Stoking the Fires of Your Love

Stoking the Fires of Your Love

Many waters cannot quench love, Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for love All the wealth of his house, It would be utterly despised. Song of Solomon 8:7 NKJV

What is the craziest thing you have done in the name of love? When I was growing up, there was a television series entitled ‘ The Things We Do for Love” which serialized some everyday encounters that young people go through in a quest to prove their love for their loved ones. In Genesis 29, Jacob runs from his brother Esau to live with his uncle Laban. After working for his uncle for a month, he was asked to name his wages. Jacob decided that he would work for Laban for seven years in exchange for his daughter Rachel. Sadly, rather than being given Rachel, he was given Leah. After completing Leah’s wedding week, he was given Rachel’s hand in marriage but had to work another seven years for her.

Our relationships are beautiful when they start but after some years, they may grow stale if we do not work at them.  Here are four pointers for rekindling the flame in our relationships.

  1. Remember that men and women are different.

John Gray, author of Men are from Mars Women are from Venus noted that understanding the ways in which men and women process and respond to information can eliminate much of the tension experienced in marriages. Gray explains that while men are motivated when they feel needed, women are motivated when they feel cherished. in addition, men have different emotional needs from women.

2. Understand the influence of temperaments on our relationships.

Catherine Marshall author of Meeting God at Every Turn noted that husbands and wives are basically incompatible. Parents are incompatible with their children, that is why the home is God’s classroom to shape us into mature people.

There are basically two broad behavioral groups which are extroverts and introverts. The extroverts are made up of the sanguine and choleric while the introverts are made up of the melancholics and the phlegmatics.  Each temperament has its strengths and weaknesses. We need to celebrate our unique differences instead of letting them become an avenue for tension.

3. Show commitment

We must be committed to our relationships both in word and deed. This includes how much time and effort we put into it. (1 John3:18). In addition, partners must show genuine appreciation for how each contributes to making the relationship work.

Many divorces are caused by unfaithfulness. We must commit to avoiding infidelity because it honours God, our partner and ourselves. The only sin described as a sin against our own body is the sin of sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:19).

It is advisable that couples take time off, preferably at least once a year to rekindle their love at a retreat with other couples or by themselves. If you are in Ghana, that would include attending an Uncle Ebo Whyte play to have some laughs and pick a lesson or two, attending a Creative Couples Retreat organized by Elder Amos Kevin Annan,  couples retreat organized by Opanin Kojo Kyere, etc.

4. Forgive

Marriage is a relationship between two great forgivers. The Old Testament allowed men to divorce for a host of reasons. Jesus explained that man and woman were created to be one and that what God had joined together, no man should separate (Matthew 19:4-9). Unforgiveness creates invisible barriers or walls between us and our partners.

If your marriage is particularly difficult or you feel a certain issue in your marriage is weighing you down, seek help through counselling before it is too late. You can reach out to through or Susie

You may also want to read the following articles on the blog.


Growing Together

Learning to Love

Learning to Love II

Learning to Love III

Learning to Love postscript

Four Temperaments and their Characteristics

Healthy Communication in Marriage

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Comments (4)

  • Emmanuel Afutu Reply

    Powerful … this advice will help me a lot. God richly bless you

    February 19, 2022 at 6:09 pm
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      Sue Afutu Reply

      It’s a pleasure.

      March 12, 2022 at 4:58 pm
  • Ayele Frimpong Reply

    Good piece. Thank you

    February 20, 2022 at 7:59 am
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      Sue Afutu Reply

      You are welcome sis, I am glad you found it helpful.

      March 12, 2022 at 4:58 pm

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