Ten Marriage Lessons I Have Learnt.Sue Afutu
“Scarcely had I passed by them,
when I found the one I love.
I held him and would not let him go,
Until I had brought him to the house of my mother,
And into the chamber of her who conceived me”
Song of Solomon 3:4
Exactly eleven years ago, I tied the knot with my campus sweetheart after seven years of courtship. It was a happy and glorious day! I had prayed about the weather for the occasion several times, long before the day, and it so happened that though it rained in other parts of the town where the wedding was held, it did not rain at the wedding grounds.
I am grateful to all the family and friends who joined us in our celebration. In this post, I share ten lessons I have learnt by experience along the way.
1. Do not despise small beginnings
This is applicable not only in marriage but in starting something new. Zechariah 4:10 tells us not to despise the day of small beginnings. Emmanuel, my husband, was not from a wealthy family and I could have disdained him on account of that. I did not marry him out of pity though, far from that. But I trusted and believed that God had a future for us and that God is faithful. Eleven years down the road, I have not regretted this decision.
2. Be willing to learn and adjust
No matter how well you think your parents did in bringing you up, there’s still something to learn from your partner. It’s arrogant to think otherwise.
3. Submission is vital.
A wife submits to her husband not because he is worthy but because God requires it of her. It’s her act of worship to God (Ephesians 5:22).
4. Prayer is the key.
It is an integral part of a successful Christian marriage because the devil is out to get marriages especially, Christian unions. God’s purpose for matrimony is to raise a godly seed and this is only possible in a Christian home. Satan is constantly fighting this agenda.
5. What we do not feed would die.
It’s easy to think that grass is greener on the other side, but the grass is green only when it is watered. Nourishing and nurturing your marriage would make it beautiful.
6. Honour God with our speech
In marriage, we must know when to speak and when to be silent. Also, we must guard our thoughts because they become our words and guard our words they become our actions. When we choose to speak, we must minister grace (Colossians 4:6).
7. Keep a close walk with God
The health of our marriage is directly proportional to the state of our relationship with God. We need to continue having personal quiet times with God, besides the time set for the family to do this. We must be sensitive to the voice of God because it guides and rebukes us.
8. Marrying a Christian is a good decision.
He or she is a child of God and would be guided and corrected by Him. Such a person would also heed Christian counsel. I have heard some ladies say Christian men are boring. However, though this may be true of some Christian men it has little weight compared to the advantage of marrying a Christian.
9. Be encouraged by older marriages.
There’s a lot in the news about some Christian marriages which are not doing so well. However, it’s not all bad. We are surrounded by a great crowd and cloud of witnesses (alive and dead) who are cheering us on.
When I was getting married, one of my uncles gave me a piece of straightforward advice. All he said was for me to take a cue from my parents’ marriage but that was saying a lot. My parents have now been married for 41 years by God’s grace. There have been times when I only have to think about their marriage and straighten up.
10. Surround yourself with friends who view marriage as you do.
Psalm 1 reminds us that blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the ungodly or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of the scornful. In this new world order of “no absolutes”, marriage as a sacred institution is scoffed and mocked by some. Statistics tell us that men who cheat on their wives are often spurred on by friends who do same. As a child of God, you do not have to keep such company.
Instead, surround yourself with a group of people your age who want to do marriage God’s way. You can plan fun activities together.
Marriage can be hard and Christian marriage is not easy but we are aided by the Holy Spirit. May God’s grace overshadow us as we endeavour to please Him in this area of our lives.
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