Ten Marriage Lessons I Have Learnt.

Ten Marriage Lessons I Have Learnt.

“Scarcely had I passed by them,
when I found the one I love.
I held him and would not let him go,
Until I had brought him to the house of my mother,
And into the chamber of her who conceived me”
Song of Solomon 3:4

Exactly eleven years ago, I tied the knot with my campus sweetheart after seven years of courtship. It was a happy and glorious day! I had prayed about the weather for the occasion several times, long before the day, and it so happened that though it rained in other parts of the town where the wedding was held, it did not rain at the wedding grounds.
I am grateful to all the family and friends who joined us in our celebration. In this post, I share ten lessons I have learnt by experience along the way.

1. Do not despise small beginnings
This is applicable not only in marriage but in starting something new. Zechariah 4:10 tells us not to despise the day of small beginnings. Emmanuel, my husband, was not from a wealthy family and I could have disdained him on account of that. I did not marry him out of pity though, far from that. But I trusted and believed that God had a future for us and that God is faithful. Eleven years down the road, I have not regretted this decision.

2. Be willing to learn and adjust
No matter how well you think your parents did in bringing you up, there’s still something to learn from your partner. It’s arrogant to think otherwise.

3. Submission is vital.
A wife submits to her husband not because he is worthy but because God requires it of her. It’s her act of worship to God (Ephesians 5:22).

4. Prayer is the key.
It is an integral part of a successful Christian marriage because the devil is out to get marriages especially, Christian unions. God’s purpose for matrimony is to raise a godly seed and this is only possible in a Christian home. Satan is constantly fighting this agenda.

5. What we do not feed would die.
It’s easy to think that grass is greener on the other side, but the grass is green only when it is watered. Nourishing and nurturing your marriage would make it beautiful.

6. Honour God with our speech
In marriage, we must know when to speak and when to be silent. Also, we must guard our thoughts because they become our words and guard our words they become our actions. When we choose to speak, we must minister grace (Colossians 4:6).

7. Keep a close walk with God
The health of our marriage is directly proportional to the state of our relationship with God. We need to continue having personal quiet times with God, besides the time set for the family to do this. We must be sensitive to the voice of God because it guides and rebukes us.

8. Marrying a Christian is a good decision.
He or she is a child of God and would be guided and corrected by Him. Such a person would also heed Christian counsel. I have heard some ladies say Christian men are boring. However, though this may be true of some Christian men it has little weight compared to the advantage of marrying a Christian.

9. Be encouraged by older marriages.
There’s a lot in the news about some Christian marriages which are not doing so well. However, it’s not all bad. We are surrounded by a great crowd and cloud of witnesses (alive and dead) who are cheering us on.
When I was getting married, one of my uncles gave me a piece of straightforward advice. All he said was for me to take a cue from my parents’ marriage but that was saying a lot. My parents have now been married for 41 years by God’s grace. There have been times when I only have to think about their marriage and straighten up.

10. Surround yourself with friends who view marriage as you do.
Psalm 1 reminds us that blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the ungodly or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of the scornful. In this new world order of “no absolutes”, marriage as a sacred institution is scoffed and mocked by some. Statistics tell us that men who cheat on their wives are often spurred on by friends who do same. As a child of God, you do not have to keep such company.
Instead, surround yourself with a group of people your age who want to do marriage God’s way. You can plan fun activities together.
Marriage can be hard and Christian marriage is not easy but we are aided by the Holy Spirit. May God’s grace overshadow us as we endeavour to please Him in this area of our lives.

You may also want to read the following articles on the blog and if so kindly click on the titles as shown.

Learning to Love I 

Learning to Love II 

Learning to Love III 

Learning to Love Postscript 


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Comments (26)

  • Sandra Reply

    Great piece. Will carry these lessons along.

    October 1, 2022 at 7:12 am
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      Sue Afutu Reply

      Thanks Sandra, I would carry them along as well.

      October 1, 2022 at 12:02 pm
  • Priscilla Reply

    Good read. I’m not sure I completely agree with how you framed the submission part because does that mean that no matter what the person does you submit? Bible predicates submission on love as Christ loved the church. If we keep preaching submission as though it was only one sided we risk women putting up with dehumanising things. Even Christ loved so much that he put his life up for us and that’s the example men are to emulate.

    October 1, 2022 at 7:18 am
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      Sue Afutu Reply

      Thanks for your thoughts Priscilla. Yes, God requires that a wife submits to her husband and that he loves her as Christ loved the church. Also a wife must not submit to her husband if he is asking her to do something ungodly. This is why the Bible says the submission must be as onto the Lord.
      I wrote this piece from my perspective which is why I dwelt on what God requires of a wife.

      Kindly read the articles indicated at the bottom of the post, especially the one titled ” Learning to Love Postscript”.

      October 1, 2022 at 7:46 am
  • Daniel Ababio Reply

    5. What we do not feed would die.

    This among all the points sums up everything. Deliberate effort matters and rewards.

    Thank you, madam.

    Continue to have many more years of your union.
    I can’t wait to read 10 things you have learned as a mother.

    October 1, 2022 at 7:27 am
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      Sue Afutu Reply

      Thanks Daniel. I would certainly work on that as well. Cheers.

      October 1, 2022 at 7:41 am
  • Evans Barnor Reply

    Good experience to share. Thank God for all the stuff we read from you. More grace to continue educating us. God bless you.

    October 1, 2022 at 8:18 am
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      Sue Afutu Reply

      Thanks Evans and thank you for reading. I appreciate your prayers. God bless you too.

      October 1, 2022 at 9:40 am
    • Sedi Reply

      Great piece sis, we pray the Grace to move on from strength to strength.
      Happy anniversary….May the best years now begin we pray

      October 1, 2022 at 7:12 pm
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        Sue Afutu Reply

        Thanks Sedi and a big amen to your prayers.

        October 1, 2022 at 7:21 pm
        • Phyllis Reply

          Great lessons.Consistent prayer is the key. Thank you Susie. God bless you greatly.

          October 8, 2022 at 8:43 am
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            Sue Afutu

            True Phyllis, prayer works wonders. And besides praying for things to change in our marriages, we must also pray for God to change us so that we are better suited for our partners.

            October 8, 2022 at 11:34 am
  • Joy Betta Reply

    Thank you for sharing! ❤️
    Wishing you many more years together in God’s love.

    October 1, 2022 at 8:44 am
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      Sue Afutu Reply

      Thanks for reading Joy. A big amen to your prayers.

      October 1, 2022 at 9:41 am
      • Caleb Reply

        Congrats on the journey so far.
        Thanks for the nuggets shared.

        October 6, 2022 at 1:32 pm
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          Sue Afutu Reply

          Thanks Caleb, it’s been by God’s grace.

          October 8, 2022 at 11:35 am
  • Eyram Reply

    Good experience shared. Am honoured to be a living witness of your blissful marriage. May Jehovah bless you with many more blissful years, so that you can share more with us.

    October 1, 2022 at 9:53 am
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      Sue Afutu Reply

      Thanks Eyram and thanks for standing by Emma on that day. We truly value your friendship.

      October 1, 2022 at 12:01 pm
  • Mirabel Armah Reply

    Congratulations to you and Emmanuel

    October 1, 2022 at 3:15 pm
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      Sue Afutu Reply

      Thanks Mirabel.

      October 1, 2022 at 11:28 pm
  • Emmanuel Parbey Reply

    Happy Anniversary Emmanuel and Sue. May God bless your Union richly.

    October 1, 2022 at 9:31 pm
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      Sue Afutu Reply

      Amen and thanks Emma

      October 1, 2022 at 11:26 pm
  • Kwame Reply

    Eleven years already? Impressive! Cheers to your union and your beautiful offsprings. You truly are one to be emulated and we pray that as He who is faithful has seen you through till now, He will perfect His good work. Not only in you, but in Us your readers too. Great piece Sue. Please do a part 2 where you share actual experiences to butress the points. We are curious.

    October 3, 2022 at 9:57 am
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      Sue Afutu Reply

      Yes Kwame, it’s been eleven years already. Time flies huh…Thanks for your kind words, I would work on subsequent articles to share much more of my experience as you have requested. May God perfect His work in all of us.

      October 3, 2022 at 12:52 pm
      • Thomas Reply

        Ohh my word! Brilliant write up! God bless you, Counsel

        October 4, 2022 at 10:50 am
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          Sue Afutu Reply

          Many thanks. We give all glory to God.

          October 4, 2022 at 2:55 pm

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